The Conversion of an Adopted Child Born to Non-Jewish Birth Mother

In our previous article on the subject of Judaism and adoption, we addressed the desire many couples have to adopt a Jewish child--people seeking the continuity of Jewish blood lines, people wanting to feel that their child is "really Jewish," people wanting to connect their child to past generations, and wanting to know that their child will feel and be treated as an authentic Jew. With the reality that there are very few Jewish birth mothers, and in fact in some situations, for parts of the Jewish community, a Jewish birth mother is actually undesirable, this article will focus on the process to "make" a child Jewish and the implications of this process for those children and their parents. As we address this issue, we will look at the technical tasks of conversion, some of the historical links to adoption, and some of the emotional aspects of this process. In our previous article on the subject of Judaism and adoption, we addressed the desire many couples have to adopt a Jewish child--people seeking the continuity of Jewish blood lines, people wanting to feel that their child is "really Jewish," people wanting to connect their child to past generations, and wanting to know that their child will feel and be treated as an authentic Jew. With the reality that there are very few Jewish birth mothers, and in fact in some situations, for parts of the Jewish community, a Jewish birth mother is actually undesirable, this article will focus on the process to "make" a child Jewish and the implications of this process for those children and their parents. As we address this issue, we will look at the technical tasks of conversion, some of the historical links to adoption, and some of the emotional aspects of this process. B'ris A boy born to a Jewish birth mother would have the B'ris on the eighth day. If the child is born to a non-Jewish birth mother, then there is no eighth day requirement, although most couples choose to have the B'ris as close to the eighth day as possible. A special blessing is added that states that this is for the purpose of conversion. If the child has already been circumcised, there is a symbolic ceremony to take a drop of blood again for the purpose of conversion. Mikvah The law requires that the child be immersed either in a Miikvah or a natural body of water, in the presence of a Rabbinic court, or Beit Din (three Rabbis). This does not have to be done at infancy, although many couples choose to complete this process in the early months of a child's life. Some Conservative and Orthodox communities consider the composition of the Beit Din critical, and hence, it is important, as with all aspects of conversion, to consult one's own Rabbi.ENDRBCORD' BarBat Mitzvah as it Relates to Adoption The third requirement for the conversion is that a child reaffirms at his age of majority, his commitment and conversion to Judaism. Generally this is viewed as happening through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, although some feel that continuing to live as a Jews beyond the age of 12 for a girl and 13 for a boy is sufficient demonstration of a commitment to and acceptance of Judaism. While "halakah" or Jewish law says that these three things are required for conversion, the interpretation of these varies by Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox communities, and even within those communities. The Reform community, as a whole, says that if one raises a child as a Jew, in a Jewish home, and gives the child a Hebrew name, then that child is Jewish and a member of that community. Both the Conservative and Orthodox movements as a whole, would require the B'ris, the immersion and the later affirmation of being Jewish. Many ask, "If I belong to a Reform synagogue, then does that mean I don't need to do anything formal to convert my child?" The answer is both yes and no. It is true that a reform synagogue and community, by and large, will welcome a child without any formal conversion. However, we as parents, have an obligation to protect our child as best we can and to act in their best interest. How do we know what community they will choose to be part of when they grow up? Should the family join a conservative congregation later on will the child be denied a Bar Mitzvah because he never went to the Mikvah? How will he feel at 15 or 16, when identity is so important, should he learn that a large part of the Jewish community of which he feels a part, doesn't consider him Jewish because he was never formally converted? It is in looking at these types of questions, in wanting to ensure their children's Jewish acceptance in a circle broader than the one in which they are being raised, that many choose to have a formal conversion, including the immersion, even if their particular synagogue or community might not require it. HISTORICAL PRECEDENT In this world of infertility and adoption, where the sense of continuity in terms of the Jewish faith has so much meaning for so many, it is comforting to know that there is really a long tradition of adoption in Judaism. The law clearly states that whoever raises the child is the child's mother, and there are excellent examples of this with both Sara and Abraham and King David and his wife. Abraham has a child with his hand maiden, Haggar, yet Sara raises that child and it is considered her child. Michal, the wife of Kind David, raised the five sons of her sister, and the Talmud says, "Merab gave birth to them, and Michal raised them, therefore they are called by her name. This teaches that anyone who raises an orphan in his home, scripture considers him as if he gave birth to him." (The Talmud as quoted by Rabbi Michael Gold in the book And Hannah Wept.) EMOTIONAL IMPLICATIONS For some, the process of a formal conversion is very comforting. One has done what the law requires. On has conformed to tradition. The child is considered a Jew. It is then up to the parents, just as it is to the parents of biological children, to ensure that their children feel Jewish and have enough of a sense of pride in their Jewish identity that they would want to reaffirm it at the age of majority and continue to live a Jewish life. There is an enormous and often unanticipated sense of pride and of generational linkage in watching one's child who was not born Jewish, as he learn the Hebrew alphabet, as he carries on family religious traditions, and as he asserts and proclaims his Jewish identity. The generational linkage becomes evident not because of the birthing process, but because of the passing of tradition to the next generation. It is this passing of tradition that is so critical to the Jewish identity. It has often been said that all adopted children come with a suitcase. A child adopted at an older age probably has more "baggage" in his suitcase than one adopted at a younger age, but they all come with something. We as parents take what's there and add the best of what we can give our children to what they already have. As Jews, our tradition and our history allows us to act on behalf and for the benefit of our children, and that is what we are doing in converting and raising them as Jews. We are well aware that this child did not have to be Jewish, and that this important decision that we have made for him, will have lifelong implications. We are passing on tradition and giving our children a "gift," that with the proper nurturing they will embrace at Bar Mitzvah age, carry throughout life and pass to their children as well. Ellen Sarasohn Glazer is an adoptive parent and the author of books on infertility and adoption including Without Child: Experiencing and Resolving Infertility by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer and Susan Lewis Cooper, Lexington Books, 1988, 226 pages, paperback, The Long Awaited Stork.. A Guide to Parenting After Infertility by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer, Lexington Books, 1990, 277 pages, paperback, and Beyond Infertility: New Paths to Parenthood by Ellen Sarasohn Glazer and Susan Lewis Cooper, Lexington Books, 1994. Gail D. McNair is also an adoptive parent and works as an adoption consultant. These articles were prepared for a 1995 workshop on Adoption and Judaism. They have been copied with the express written permission of the authors who have graciously agreed to make them available to all STARS OF DAVID members. They may not be further reproduced without their permission.

inCalifornia Want to adopt? Pregnant? click here