Infertility: A Jewish Perspective

Of late, we have spent much space in our newsletter talking about the children we are asked to find homes for, and about the process of adoption, open adoption, etc. We felt that we have neglected discussing that which brings many people to think about adoption: infertility. Since we are not experts on infertility (although we have lived it), and as there are many excellent books on the topic , we wanted to look at some of the emotional aspects of infertility, particularly from a Jewish perspective, as we see it. We welcome your thoughts, too! The Bible relates that our foremothers, Sarah, Rachel and Rebecca, all suffered from infertility and spent inordinate amounts of energy praying to God for a child. Later in the Bible, both Samson's and Samuel's mothers also dealt with infertility. The commentators suggest that God made these women infertile because he sought their heartfelt prayers. But, as devout Mothers of the Jewish people, would they not have devoted themselves to God anyway? And, does God, who is omnipotent, really need anyone's prayers? Isn't the primary effect of prayer on the one who prays (which is why why we use a reflexive verb for "praying" in Hebrew)? Did God really want our foremothers to suffer? We don 't think God causes intentional suffering, even if suffering may have some positive consequences. Perhaps this gets us back to something we discussed in a newsletter a couple of years ago: they are two meanings to the word "why" - (1) seeking a cause, as in "Why is the sky blue?" - we are looking for a physical explanation; and (2) "Why should I get a flu shot?" - we are asking what positive outcome we expect to get from an action (even an uncomfortable action). In fact, Hebrew has two different words for these two "whys' (gusn and vnk). The Jewish tradition suggests that for events in one's life, there is no point dwelling on the first meaning. So, rather than seeing our foremothers infertility as a punishment, or as God's need to obtain something from them (suffering? prayer?), we should look at what accrued to our foremothers from their infertility and their delayed eventual parenthood. We suspect it gave them a heightened sense of the value of their children, that undoubtedly gave their children a strong sense of self-esteem that allowed them to become leaders of their people. As this newsletter going out just after Purim, I am reminded of what Mordechai told his adopted niece Esther (Esther 4:14): "And who knows whether it was just for such a time as this that you attained the royal position!" One can either say that God preplanned Esther's position so that she could save the Jews from wicked Haman, or, alternately, for whatever reason she got there, having found herself in the royal position, she should use it for the important purpose of saving her people. Personally, we dealt with multiple pregnancy losses and infertility, and despite all the pain, it led us to the wonderful adopted children we have, and to the creation of the Jewish Children's Adoption Network, through which we have been able to find homes for 1,000+ children (and, of course, children for 1,000+ homes!) And, in any case, should we view infertility as a punishment? If so, what for? A close reading of the Bible suggests that infertility cannot simply be thought of as a problem of those couples personally dealing with it , but is actually a community problem. Thus, in Deuteronomy 7:12-14 it says "If you [this is a plural ‘you' in Hebrew] follow these commandments and observe and perform them, then God will observe his covenant...and will bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of the land...you will be the most blessed of people and there will be neither infertile male or female among you or your animals." It is clear from here that infertility occurs if the community fails in its duties. What we should take from this is that as long as there continue to be people dealing with infertility and related topics, it is the responsibility of the community to deal with the issue - provide support for those who are infertile, for those who can't parent, etc. It seems to us that in most cities the Jewish community does not provide adequate services for people dealing with infertility, children with special needs, adoption, etc. Of course, that's one of the main reasons we started the JCAN! We encourage people dealing with infertility to think of what they can do to turn their loss into something positive. Personally, of course, we to see adoption as one very good choice!

Credits: Jewish Children's Adoption Network